First time for:
1. Being told youre not loved and hes organised to move out in 3 days. T minus 2 days to Day 1.
2. Being told you are loved but hes had an affair for a year. Day 1.
3. Being so in love with someone you agree to give them a second chance despite always saying and believing you wouldn't stand for infidelity.
4. Spending 2 weeks carrying on as normal while dying inside.
5. After 2 weeks being told he doesn't love you after all.
6. Being left with no goodbye but a £150,000 mortgage, 3 dogs and 2 horses.
Its not been the best 3 weeks that's for sure. Luckily I have a week off work..its my birthday week. Unluckily I am all by myself with nothing to do but dwell and think and feel sorry for myself. I havent seen him for over a week. He was gone when I came home from work. We've spoken a couple of times but its like getting blood out of a stone. Ive emailed and sent messages about my feelings and confusion and I get an electronic grunt in return. Hes just not interested. 2 days ago he came to collect his clothes. All of his washing was done ready for him. Even the ancient stuff at the bottom of the basket..the suit trousers he wore once to a wedding 3 years ago. He took them..but left most of his things here in his wardrobe still? He even put a t-shirt in the dirty washing basket while here. Am i missing something? He's upped and gone with a few bits for a weekend away. I am confused. There is still a half full bottle of water on his bedside table. How am I meant to deal with this? He has left and taken np responsibility with him. He is free, he can do whatever he likes. Meet as many women at Bridgwater Travel Lodge as he likes. I am in our home. The burden of money and keeping 5 animals alive weighing on me. And there are clothes in the washing basket and drinks on the bedside table. How do I even begin to heal? Wow this self pity thing is bad!
21 part 2.
After heaving myself out of bed I received a text from HIM.
Hope the dogs and horses are ok.
Not sure if the deliberate absence of concern over my welfare is an intentional attempt to upset me or if the message was an attempt on HIS part to make himself feel better and ease his conscience by being a caring "father". Either way I didnt respond. My fingers have been twitching for the last 12 hours and 35 minutes but I have resisted. Maybe if I send a picture of the dogs he'll remember he does love me and admit he lied about having an affair. No..I don't think so. So i restrain myself. I watched a film tonight..the first I've watched since being single. It was scary..shark attack! The dogs were asleep and gave me no moral support. I didnt talk the whole way through. No running commentary on this one. In fact if I hadnt gone to shop today I wouldnt have spoken to another human being. But I did. I asked if I could have a carrier bag and then I said thank you. I am clearing out the recordings on the tv. Feeling guilty to be watching our programmes without him. I'm saving them afterwards so he can watch them..after he comes to take the tv away. He'll collect his freshly washed t-shirt at the same time. I dont know where he is, what he's doing or who he's doing it with but he's doing it all without his slippers. They're still here. Why didnt he take them? Hes renting a room in a house supposedly. Is he walking around in his shoes or is he bare foot in a strangers house? Thats just not right. Why wouldn't you take your slippers? He took the suit trousers that he'd not worn for 3 years. I'm getting hung up on laundry and house shoes. I think I should sleep. See what tomorrow brings.
Hope the dogs and horses are ok.
Not sure if the deliberate absence of concern over my welfare is an intentional attempt to upset me or if the message was an attempt on HIS part to make himself feel better and ease his conscience by being a caring "father". Either way I didnt respond. My fingers have been twitching for the last 12 hours and 35 minutes but I have resisted. Maybe if I send a picture of the dogs he'll remember he does love me and admit he lied about having an affair. No..I don't think so. So i restrain myself. I watched a film tonight..the first I've watched since being single. It was scary..shark attack! The dogs were asleep and gave me no moral support. I didnt talk the whole way through. No running commentary on this one. In fact if I hadnt gone to shop today I wouldnt have spoken to another human being. But I did. I asked if I could have a carrier bag and then I said thank you. I am clearing out the recordings on the tv. Feeling guilty to be watching our programmes without him. I'm saving them afterwards so he can watch them..after he comes to take the tv away. He'll collect his freshly washed t-shirt at the same time. I dont know where he is, what he's doing or who he's doing it with but he's doing it all without his slippers. They're still here. Why didnt he take them? Hes renting a room in a house supposedly. Is he walking around in his shoes or is he bare foot in a strangers house? Thats just not right. Why wouldn't you take your slippers? He took the suit trousers that he'd not worn for 3 years. I'm getting hung up on laundry and house shoes. I think I should sleep. See what tomorrow brings.
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