Day 39

I feel like I will die from sadness and loneliness. I miss him so much. Just a few kind words aren't too much to ask for surely, after all these years?

I managed about 4 hours sleep last night. I don't know how I'm going to get through the day let alone the rest of my life. Is this it? Tears, Insomnia, Sadness. Forever? What he's done to me, the way he's made me feel so worthless, will never not hurt. How will it ever not make me feel this this?

How can a person do this to someone else? It's should be a crime. A theft, a violation.

I'm too tired.

I keep typing out a message to send him. How, why? I delete it. I just want an answer, a reply. Some acknowledgement that I am human, not invisible. I am pathetic, showing so much weakness and desperation. I just want him to show me he does care. I dont understand how he doesn't. Almost 7 years. Relocation, 3 homes, redundancy, new jobs,  weddings, a christening, funerals. So much together. And I've just been erased, forgotten, left behind, thrown away. My heart is broken.

I need to snap out of this, I just don't know how.