Day 34

Well the days are certainly flying by. 34 already!

Couple of tears this morning as I filled my friend from work in on the latest since she's been on holiday. Far more anger and name calling than tears so I will take that as a positive. Fee more tears in the afternoon and a blub in the loo when talk of christmas came up.

Am really feeling resentful today. Resenting the waste of years and opportunity that I might have had to have a real life with someone else.

I am starting to see the light. Today anyway.

I have made friends online with a couple of people as pen pals. No strings, just sharing life stories and the day to day stuff. Its nice. I look forward to receiving their messages. I hope they do mine.

So there is life after him. Im not trying to kill myself or completely losing it..for now. I just need to sort out finances and somewhere for me, the dogs and horses to live!

No contact for days now. It's just so weird
He knows what I'm doing..the routine every day and night to keep the animals going. He doesn't have to wonder what Im up to. Whereas I have no clue. He could be abroad on holiday for all I know.

Ive seen a few reports online of traffic in the area following accidents and I find myself checking to see the vehicle involved, to see if its him. If he had an accident would I know? Would anyone tell me?

I have been sacked as next of kin!