30 days since he told me about her. Also 30 days since he told me loved me, wanted to be with me, had made the worst mistake of his life. I was broken. Confused. Disbelieving. 30 days since I gave him another chance. The chance to stay and make it right. To give me time to come to terms with it.
I should have let him go. I know that now. To let him stay and then 2 weeks later allow him to drop another bomb on me, that was a mistake. I just couldn't be without him. I was in pain and the person I wanted to comfort me was the one causing it. He just had to be here.
I haven't seem him for over 2 weeks now. Not spoken on the phone since the day he collected a few of his things, also nearly 2 weeks ago.
Does he miss me? At all? I think about him every waking second.
Today has been a good day. No messages since yesterday morning which I'm sure helped. No tears at work today. I actually got a little cross about it all this afternoon. It dawned on me that each time he laughed to himself while looking at his phone, when he told me it was his younger sister, it was probably her. It was sisters birthday last month. I bought her card, wrote it, needed her new address to post it. Said I'd message her to get it. I remember him forcefully telling me not to, that he would. I thought it was a bit odd but never imagined it was probably because he hadn't been in contact with her for ages and didn't want there to be a slip up. How stupid am I? I have deleted lots of photos off of my phone. He had his phone in his hand in the majority of them. No doubt messaging her while I was taking stupid photos of him.
I feel so stupid. What an idiot. I caught him looking at me a few times. I realise now what he must have been thinking.
The message app that we use tells me that he used it at midnight last night. Who would he be messaging at that time of night? Her of course. Maybe spent the evening with her then messaged her when got home? In my heart I know he's with her, or in contact with her. It is happening with her. I know it is. He will be feeling rubbish. His life has changed too. He's lodging in a house. It must be uncomfortable, he'll be feeling sorry for himself. He'll want comforting. He'll want her.
I wish I could tell him. Don't do it. You're ruining both of our lives. Deep down I believe he loves me. He may not like me or want to be with me, but he loves me. Ending up with this woman will be desperate, a way for him to feel better. It won't work, he'll end up in a worse situation and it will be too late for us. It already is if I'm right and he's with her.
The mechanic didn't turn up tonight. I felt quite low, insignificant. It was a lovely evening, lots of people out enjoying the sun on a Friday night, making the most of it before its gone. I could hear neighbours in the garden, laughing, BBQ'ing. Not me. Tonights dinner is the egg sandwich I couldn't face for lunch today. How have I become so pathetic?
The message app that we use tells me that he used it at midnight last night. Who would he be messaging at that time of night? Her of course. Maybe spent the evening with her then messaged her when got home? In my heart I know he's with her, or in contact with her. It is happening with her. I know it is. He will be feeling rubbish. His life has changed too. He's lodging in a house. It must be uncomfortable, he'll be feeling sorry for himself. He'll want comforting. He'll want her.
I wish I could tell him. Don't do it. You're ruining both of our lives. Deep down I believe he loves me. He may not like me or want to be with me, but he loves me. Ending up with this woman will be desperate, a way for him to feel better. It won't work, he'll end up in a worse situation and it will be too late for us. It already is if I'm right and he's with her.
The mechanic didn't turn up tonight. I felt quite low, insignificant. It was a lovely evening, lots of people out enjoying the sun on a Friday night, making the most of it before its gone. I could hear neighbours in the garden, laughing, BBQ'ing. Not me. Tonights dinner is the egg sandwich I couldn't face for lunch today. How have I become so pathetic?
The horses were lovely tonight. Looked so lovely in the sunshine,
I wonder if I will speak to anyone this weekend before I go back to work on Monday?
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