Day 41

I thought we'd grow old together. He'd be there to look after me when I have dementure and white hair. I didn't worry too much about having no savings or pensions because we'd be in it together and would find a way.

Now when I tell him I am losing my home and have to sell he doesnt even apologise. Ask if I'm ok. Just tells me we need to talk about the dog. And he needs to speak to a solicitor.

And so it begins. He's going to screw me over I know it. He doesn't want to pay me a contribution for mortgage and bills until sold. I didnt want my partner to be unfaithful. Hey Ho! It's not ideal.
He must want to rent somewhere or shack up with granny and he needs money to do that. Is only been 4 weeks though. One mortgage payment!

4 weeks today he told me he didnt love me. It feels a lifetime ago. I have aged. I must be at least 10 years older. How has this happened to me?

I still love him, or the person he was 42 days ago anyway. I always will. I have so much to tell him. Stupid things the dogs have done, a new programme I've been watching that he would like, come home I'll forgive you. I don't think He's interested in hearing about any of those things.

Ladies at work made me cry today. Wasn't their fault. I'm so up and down. Joking
yesterday about airbrushing a ring off my finger from company brochure. Today in tears when they talk about not wanting ro start over if they became single. Its embarrassing, awkward. I cant keep it in check.

He's not even anything special. Peoplw must think I'm an idiot.

Shall I try and sell my engagement ring? Platinum and diamond. Really lovely. Not worn it for a few years as got too fat and had to have it cut off in a jewellers. I cried in the shop. He was there to cuddle me. The bastard. I will sell his too I think. Why not, he doesn't want it.

I am so boring and repetitve. This has got to end soon!

On a separate note I am surprised and pleased to hear one of my pen pals is following my diary. So nice to think somebody knows how I am feeling. So hello F and thank you. I hope to be able to have some happier days to write about soon (ish).