Monday 11 September 2017

Day 423 Poo Gate

My alarm was set for 5am this morning so I could go check my horses were ok with the horrible weather. I got up when my alarm went off, well I sat up in bed. I checked the weather forecast and decided they'd been battered during the night and it was hardly worth going to bring them in as the forecast was better for today.

Boring day at work clock watching. I ate loads. Since my weight whining 2 days ago and all the support I've had I seem to be eating more. Panic eating. Like people who panic buy when there's a storm coming.

This evening I really shamed myself. I basically had 2 meals on one plate. Well, my stir fry stuff needed eating but there wasnt enough for a whole meal so I had stir fry noodles on the side of my actual dinner. I knew it was gross. Proven by the fact that as I dished up my plate and the doorbell rang I shoved it under the grill to hide it.

That was the least shameful thing to happen to me this evening.

When I got changed this evening I put on my comfy stretchy trousers that happen to be white. They are extremely unflattering and never to be worn outside my home. But they were a couple of pounds in the M&S sale so I just bought them. I clearly remember thinking to myself as I put them on that you have to be confident to wear white trousers...especially if you had a tummy ache.

And no I did not shit my pants..as such.

The ringing doorbell was my lovely neighbour unexpectedly dropping by with her carpet washing machine thing as I'd mentioned the carpet was gross and stinky.  I was already embarassed at being almost caught with my massive meal and wearing unflattering white trousers. Imagine my horror while looking down at the demo she was giving me I spotted at shin length on my white trousers a great big brown splodge. A look a little further down to the wooden floor revealed a small puddle of said brown splodge. It was at this point it dawned on me that my dog had shit himself aka followed through and it was a) somehow on my fucking trousers b) about to be run over by my neighbours vacuum. Why does this happen to me? The first visitor to my house since I moved and I've actually got dog shit on me .

After trying to strike up a conversation with me to no avail, she left. No doubt thinking I was really rude but honestly I couldn't hear anything except the voice in my head which kept asking "has she seen the shit, shall I say something?" Just to make it worse as she left she took a long look at something on the side table. I reckon it was an attachment I bought to put on my shower to hold the head. But its long and white and I'm convinced she thought it was a vibrator.

Karma for not getting up and going to my horses this morning.

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