Day 142

The Saturday blues are back.

I was ok until I found myself in the middle of Dartmoor being dragged by 2 dogs with a disabled one in a rucksack on my back. Freezing cold with icy wind blowing a gale in my face. I just lost it. I was crying and screaming at the top of my voice like a complete freak. What the fuck am I doing?

At that point I felt so totally alone, desperate. A complete loser.

The wind blew away my tears. Nobody heard me. I just got back in the car and carried on with my day.

I've been ok since.

This evening, just to remind me that I mustn't feel too positive about things, the door fell off my tumbledryer.

So just to recap, since I last saw him and he walked out of the house on 27 July...

Car no 2 breaks down on Dartmoor
Headlights in car need changing
Tap in utility room breaks
Shower head breaks
All 3 dogs get flea infestation
Car no 1 breaks down on Dartmoor
Burst pipe/water pours through ceiling
Brakes on Car no 2 fail
Rear lights need replacing
Dishwasher breaks
Dog is poorly needs vets
Another dog is poorly cant afford vets
Engine coolant warning on car
Door falls off dishwasher

It's like a really bad joke. Nothing like that happened when we were together. When there were 2 salaries and 2 people to support eachother. I have coped.  It may sound like they are just minor things but when your world has collapsed they feel major. 

I hope that there isnt anything else. I really have no money. The dishwasher isn't fixed, I've pushed the tumbledryer door back on and its let me switch in on thankfully.  I will have to take the dog to the vets. My car still isn't right and it's making me anxious as I do so many miles a day but going back to the garage is not an option.

I hope I can make it to the end of the month without anything else happening!