Day 50

Wow 50 days. How did I get here so quickly?

I started this diary as a coping mechanism. With nobody to talk to and listen to my pain, this was my outlet. I hoped that in time I would look back on my words and learn something from them.

It has been a roller coaster of emotions..up and down, tears and anger. I feel I have reached a plateau. I get it now. It has happened, is happening. I don't understand the how's or why's still but am now in acceptance. My emotions are still not stable but I have more of a grip on them.

I think if I continue with this I am in danger of causing myself more damage than good.

I now have nothing. No partner, soon no home, no friends, no life. Each day is the same. Monotonous. Repetitive. I will be committing my utter lack of life to paper, so to speak, and it might well make me feel worse.

Perhaps I will continue on an as and when basis. When I need to "talk" to someone. Or when there is something good. There is bound to be at some point, I hope!