Day 99

Friday today. Everybody is rushing home to start their weekend. Getting ready to go out or making plans for the next 2 days.

I also rush home on Friday, same as every other day. I rush home to my barking dogs. I rush home to get to my horses. These things should make me happy. I choose to have the animals, I am prepared to do the work and struggle to find the money, but I really have nothing else.

He has replied to my email again. I should be happy. I almost have agreement in my favour. But instead I cried all the journey home and I sat in my car outside my house while my dogs were barking, just blubbing. I'm crying now.

The brief communication we have is so emotionless. He doesn't ask how I am, gives no indication that he's sorry or remorseful. It hurts. It will probably always hurt which is why I need to be rid of him and have no contact ever again. In a couple of weeks it would have been our seventh anniversary. Thats a long time, a proper grown up relationship. Not a fling for a few months. To know he can just wipe me from his life is so horrible.

I still maintain I'm now better without him. If he knocked on the door I wouldn't take him back, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt me still. Rejection is a terrible thing.

So its Friday night and while lots of people are looking forwards to their night, I've fed my horses, walked my dogs, had something for dinner out of the freezer and I've bleached my tache!