I feel a bit unsettled today. I'm not sad or upset, just a little on edge. I guess it's to do with the house. It's not going to be long before it's for sale and the next stage of distress begins.
Tonight was the first night I had to walk the dogs in the absolute pitch black by myself, alone on Dartmoor. I wasn't scared but I felt really lonely. It was just another reminder. I got a bit teary.
I resent him so much. I hope wherever he is that he is unhappy. That seems very childish to see in writing but its true. I'm nothing if not honest. Things have been popping into my head..things we talked about doing, things we did do, places we've been. It's all just so cruel and unfair. I hope he is really unhappy and alone. I hope grab a granny has realised that he is immature and boring and was a means to get her out of whatever shitty life she had. I hope he knows what a complete moron he is and that I despise him.
I've been watching First Dates on TV. I thought it would make me sad but I love it. It is scary though that there are so many young attractive single people. What chance does someone like me stand!
He is out there, I know he is. But he doesn't know where I live, how will he find me? Maybe I'll find him first.
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