Day 83

Another good day today.

Went for lunch with my friend from work and another friend I'd not seen for ages. Had to give the whole story. All the nitty gritty from Day 1. I had nervous butterflies and got a bit shaky while telling her, but I didn't cry. That is huge. I was really quite proud of myself. It's a massive milestone.

A friend I have met online is having a tough time. Not the same situation but Suddenly Single and very down. I've been giving him advice and words of encouragement, the way people did for me . It's funny how those people were right but I couldn't see it. I'm now passing my experiences on to someone else. I feel very bad for him. People are so very cruel. I am worried about him and keep thinking of the 5 self inflicted scars on my arm. I am reluctant to tell him what I did as I am so ashamed but I don't want him to do anything to hurt himself. I hope he will be ok.

Yesterday it was 12 weeks since he told me out of the blue that he didn't love me and was leaving me. That it was all my fault.

Tomorrow it will be 12 weeks since he told me about the affair. That he did love me and didn't want to leave. That he'd made a mistake, that I was the best thing to happen to him. That he wanted me and our life together.

12 weeks since I allowed him to stay. Since I asked for time to process it and try to deal with it.

Frankly, what a fucking mug!

Stupid desperate actions of an insecure idiot. I know that now. How could he take advantage of me like that? I think he realised his mistake, didn't want to move in with grab a granny, panicked and ran back to me. I wish I had been strong enough to react the way I always thought I would. I have no doubt he was expecting me to go mad and throw him out which would have been easier for him. He must have been as shocked as me!

Unlikely!