Day 91

And so it begins. The battle for the house and it's equity.

After 2 failed attempts to come to an agreement where he does not get 50% of my home, tonight I have sent a final offer failing which I will be seeking legal advice. He will be angry, won't accept it, and it will come down to an arrangement between Solicitors which will cost a fortune and use up all of any equity there may be in the house.

How has it come to this? The man I was going to spend my life with has become my arch enemy, the villain in my very low budget movie. I just hope he sees sense and it doesn't come to a legal fight as it will be all the more painful and I will harbour even more ill will towards him, which is not healthy for me and even more dangerous for him!!

I wish I had reacted differently on Day 1. When he was crying and telling me to scream at him or hit him I was uncharacteristically calm. I  went upstairs and got dressed, came back down and commenced my enquiries. Literally like I was at work in a meeting or interview. What I should have done is gone out to the shed with my bare arse on show, got a hammer and smashed the shit out of his ridiculous 55" HD 3D Smart TV followed by a trip out the front to the garage and a good go with the hammer on his motorbike. That is what I should have done. Acted like the highly strung argumentative fiery woman that I am in every other circumstance in my life, instead of the powerless victim that I let myself become that day.

It shames me that I begged him to stay. He told me he'd been having sex with another woman and I begged. How very sad and degrading.

I can feel myself getting hotter and hotter as I write this. I remember I have switched the heating on tonight. I am wound up and hot but the house is like sauna!

Time to calm down... and cool down.