Day 109

If there was ever any doubt that the universe has it in for me, I am now sure.

Today is Halloween. The clocks changed last night so it was already dark when I arrived home from work. I got upset driving to the stables. It's not something I should be doing alone in the dark. The yard was pitch black, I was nervy just getting out of the car to open the gate to drive in.

In my wisdom I left the headlights on so I had something to focus on from the field, like a lighthouse. A beacon in the dark. I was seeing to the horses with fireworks going off in the background thanking god they were behaving and not getting spooked while I was in with them. I was thinking how I was never going to meet anyone spending my life in the dark in the middle of nowhere unless it was a murderer, in which case I'd probably rather not meet them.

While I was thinking all these stupid things my car battery was merrily draining down. So I did meet someone tonight. A fricking vehicle recovery truck driver.

Thank god this time round I had breakdown cover. I had to wait about 90 minutes and spent most of that time wetting myself in the dark. The distant fireworks explosions were scary. The flood light kept turning off which meant venturing from my car into the dark waving my arms like a lunatic. My phone battery was going down so had to turn my internet off. I was so alone...apart from the dogs who were trying to gas me out of the car.

I did cry. I was genuinely scared, really creeped out. I have to go every night, alone. In the wind and rain it's even worse. I am nervous just thinking about it.

It would have been our 7 year anniversary on Friday. I am so angry with him I feel I should send him a message in Friday to tell him what I think of him. But what would be the point. I'll only end up checking my phone every 5 minutes to see if he's replied.

It's times like this that I'm reminded of what he's done to me. I don't know why so much is going wrong for me, but it's all his fault and I hate him for it.