Day 106

It's been a really stressful day at work.

I cried when I left as I was so tired and felt frazzled.

Last night the dishwasher broke. Another tick in the box for shit things to deal with.

I was so looking forwards to relaxing at the weekend. Catching up on some sleep, spending time with my horses.

Now my head is mashed and my weekend probably ruined. As I was unloading the dogs from the car for a walk tonight I heard my phone ringing and just ignored as had my hands full. When I got back to the car I saw it was him! He had rung me. For the first time in months. Unprompted. I was really annoyed. What the F did he want? I'm too tired to deal with anything new. I msgd him back to ask if he'd rung and he replied, yes he actually replied, saying it doesn't matter. I assumed he'd rung me by mistake and sent a sarcastic reply about pressing my name instead of hers. The first time I'd really had a dig  about anything so assumed he'd be annoyed and that would be that.

But he rang again. Bearing in mind for the past 7 years he has known I will be busy with the horses at that time of night I was really cross and driving through a dodgy signal area on my way home. But I answered, hands free of course officer, and he was like Hiya, you alright? What the hell? Is he messing with me? Like we were mates and he was ringing for a chat. I was so shocked I barked at him. WHAT DO YOU WANT? And then I lost signal. I guess I reminded him what a horrible person I am and now he doesn't want to talk to me.

I am so confused. Yesterday I finally had agreement from him about the house and have a little security back. Today he rings me for a chat? I just want him to go away but apparently I also want him to want me. Of course he doesnt, and I don't want him but now, I feel sad and confused and I hate it. It was the first time I had heard his voice in such a long time. And I barked.

And to make it all worse I've got a mountain of washing up to retrieve from the dishwasher.