Day 169

What is wrong with you?

You ring me after 11pm on Christmas Day. Upset, wanting to chat to me. Supposedly single and sad. I only answered the phone because I thought there might be something wrong as it was such a random time and day to ring me.

Ive spent the last 5 days going over and over things in my head. All because of that 5 minute conversation where you hung up on me.

You have no idea what it did to me. How I've been struggling ever since with confusion. I think you regret it all and you want to tell me. You've tried to talk to me a few times before now.

So I ummed and arrd for days whether to contact you or not. I have questions that I have no right to ask. They will change nothing except give me peace of mind. I thought I would give you the opportunity to say what I thought you wanted to say.

So I could stand it no longer and I text you today to ask what you had wanted to talk to me about. I expected you to reply saying "nothing, forget it". I didn't even get that.

I got nothing. No reply.

And so that is it.

I believe you love me but you are a coward and are not prepared to be honest with me. It makes no difference either way except that it would have been nice to feel a little less worthless. But you can't think of anyone other than yourself.
I am done with you. There are no more chances, no more opportunities to do the right thing and apologise to me.

I will always love you in a way Gavin but I will always hate you more.

Happy New Year!