Last night I went to my parents for dinner. While there I got a text from my ex's sister wishing me a Happy Christmas etc. It was thoughtful and kind of her. It took me off guard and I had a momentary stumble.
Today I woke up alone. No presents. Nobody. Just me and my 2 faithful dogs. I was absolutely fine. I spent a couple of hours in rain and fog seeing to my horses and walking the dogs. The rest of the day spent with my family. The dogs were so well behaved. In and out of the car in opposite shifts to my baby niece.
She made Christmas. I have dreaded today for months. But I didn't miss him at all. I barely thought of him other than to think what an idiot he is as he would love her so much and we had so much fun with the stupid snapchat face swap thing we played with all day.
I left at 11pm and 10 minutes later he text me and then emailed me, "are you awake?"
I couldn't believe it. I got through the whole day without being sad. I was actually happy. And he text me again, "can we chat?". I replied I was driving.
10 minutes from home he phoned me. I answered it. I had said I wouldn't if he ever called me again but I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep if I didnt answer. He was sheepish. Asked if we could talk during the week. I said we were talking now, what did he want? He just wanted to talk to me. Right.. I've heard this before.
Turns out, supposedly, he's spent the day in a pub by himself. He isn't with grab a granny. Doesn't live with her. Hasn't been with her since he left me. He lives 20 minutes up the road in a rented room. I was so cross when he told me that I saw red. I told him his sister had been kinder to me than him. That she had contacted me to wish me well unlike him who was just feeling sorry for himself. And that I can't believe that all this time he's been a short drive away and he hasn't bothered to visit the dogs and now Ronnie is dead.
That was the nail in the coffin. My painfully cruel words did the intended and he hung up in tears. He didn't man up and apologise for not being there for me or for Ronnie. No. Because he was upset he hung up. Regardless of how I might feel.
I just cant believe I've been so strong today and he's been so selfish. I refuse to feel sorry for him.
A) I don't believe him
B) All his choices have led him to wherever he may be
C) He can fuck right off
Now I have to go to bed with tears in my eyes and doubt in my head.
Bastard.
No comments:
Post a Comment