Day 167

Arrived at work this morning to a Christmas day email from him that he had sent to the wrong address. Wow he sure was desperate to get hold of me.

While I was at work he went to the house to collect his motorbike. He text again...to say thank you for leaving the garage open.

Too many texts. Too much contact

My head is a mess.

I'm running scenarios in my head. Messaging him to ask for more information.  Meeting him to walk the dogs. Inviting him over for New Years Eve.

I don't want to do any of those things but he has stirred it all up and it's eating away at me. I feel like I'm going out of my mind. I'm starting to feel sorry for him, then I come to me senses and I'm angry, then pity again.

I have no work for a week now. Too much time to be alone with my thoughts. It's torture.

I felt so much stronger. It was a relief to believe he was living with her, that he really was the disgusting stranger that I thought of him as. Now I'm just confused and back to feeling upset and lonely.

I have questions that are driving me to distraction..

1. Who is the girl that witnessed his signature?
2. Has he had any contact with grab a granny since Day 1?
3. Does he not miss me at all?
4. Is life so much better now?
5. Does he want to come back?
6. Does he love me?
7. Why the fuck does he keep phoning me?

I must be strong and resist...