Day 166

I was looking forwards to today. After 2 days of festivities I couldn't wait to resume my position on the sofa with the dogs and the remote control.

But that's all been spoiled by thoughts of him. Constantly on my mind. All because he thought it was ok to contact me because he was down.

Now my head is all over the place. I believed he was living with grab a granny, it was closure. The final piece of the puzzle that meant I could I get on with my life.

Now I don't know, and it's driving me mad. I don't want to have a conversation with him, but I want to know who the girl is that witnessed his signature. She must be the slappers daughter, how can she not be? I didn't know her surname but this girls mother has the same first name. She lives in the town where the sordid Travel Lodge meetings were taking place. It's 100 miles away. He wouldnt2 know anyone else there. It's too much of a coincidence...it can't be one.

I'm so confused and resisting the urge to facebook investigate. It will hurt me and do me no good. I must resist.

I text him this morning in reply to his request to see the dogs. I simply said "yes at some point". He pretty much said the same to me when I asked him months ago if he would like to visit them. He didn't give a shit then, why should I now?

Tomorrow I have to work in the morning and while I'm out he's coming to collect his motorbike. I hope he doesn't try to get in the house as I haven't told him I've changed the locks. He doesn't live here, he doesn't need to know. I also hope he's long gone before I get home. He has just this minute text me to remind me to leave the garage unlocked so he can get his bike in the morning. No mention of the dogs or the phone call.

My heart is aching and I've been teary, it's no good hearing from him. It stirs it all up.