Day 165

Boxing Day. After last nights shock phone call and resultant upset I felt hungover this morning despite not drinking.

I trecked back to my parents shame faced that they all knew he had called and upset me and that they'd all had a drunken discussion about it the night before.

10 minutes after I arrived he text me again. There was no mention of the previous nights phone call, no apology for getting upset or calling me. He simply said " Can I see the dogs at some point".

Seriously...what the hell? Why is he asking me that? I asked him months ago if he could dog sit for me and he said no. He's collecting his motorbike in 2 days but didn't ask to see them then when we organised it. Is he asking because he thinks I want him to? After what I said last night it all feels a little strange. I didn't answer him back.

I had a little heart to heart with my mum. I was so upset when she told me that if I decided to have him back that, subject to me making certain rules to protect myself, she would welcome him back. That she genuinely loved him and feels very hurt. And that my step dad is very upset and has told her that he thought they had a good relationship and he now wonders if any if it was real. I brought this person into my family. I feel enormous guilt and shame that he has also cheated on them and betrayed their trust.

I don't know what he wants but I can't help him. Is he trying to tell me he wants to come back? If so I just wish he'd spit it out so I can tell him straight. Is he just messing with my head again to boost gis confidence?

Either way it's wrong.