Day 77

77...that feels high a number. Only one more than yesterday but feels more significant.

People are getting om with their lives. A "Delivery in time for Christmas" ad has been on TV.  A lovely friend has confided that she's pregnant, my niece is 6 months old. And I'm still single. Still waiting for him to answer an email. Still in limbo. Still in pain.

It's just dragging on. I can't stand it. Soon it will be Christmas. I don't want to wake up alone on Christmas day in our bed in our house.  Just the thought of it and I'm welling up. Perhaps just because I'll be alone and not necessarily because it's him that's not there. I don't know. I don't know if I don't love him anymore. I don't  like the idea that I could have fallen out of love after such a short time. It feels very shallow. I think my feelings of confusion, anger and resentment are overwhelming the original feelings I had for him so I really don't know.

It appears I don't know much.