Day 54

It's been a long boring day at work by myself with no computers and nothing to do but think.

It's fatal..thinking. Self harming. Worse  than taking scissors to your arm sometimes.

I wrote an advert for one of my horses again and put it online. Nobody will answer it. I'm just going through the motions. Within 10 minutes I had contact from someone that used to ride him. She wants him..I kind of said ok. Then I panicked. I don't want him to go anywhere. He doesn't have to yet.  He can novr house with me. It could be a year before I have to make this decision. What am I doing? I'm so confused. I dont know what to do for the best.

I picked the new carpet today ready for it to be fitted in a couple of weeks. That was hard. Choosing alone. No second opinion. Just me. On my own.

The house is going to look so much better. I've been painting in the kitchen after work tonight. I've been enjoying it. Why didn't I do it a year ago. Before. The house would be nicer. We would have been happier. Maybe it wouldn't, have
happened.

I'm feeling so low again. Utterly useless and insignificant. Unwanted. Unloved. Single.

A single woman with a dent on her ring finger. Spinster.