Day 52

I really need someone to listen today. My world is just collapsing again.

I have been really pro house sale since I thought I had a safe place to move to where I could take my dogs and horses and afford it. It was not ideal but the best solution that would give me security and time to make decisions based on what I want and not what he is forcing on me.

Today I learn this would only be a temporary solution as this place is going to be sold next spring. That is some months off but means another move and no time to put myself in a better financial position.

I am devastated. I feel so alone and that the easiest thing would be for me to throw myself off a cliff. But I'm too much of a coward. I'm back to square one. Terrified what is going to happen me. I have nobody to rely on and I honestly wish that I would just die.

I have jusy got myself so worked up that I couldn't catch my breath and felt like I was going to pass out. Nobody would know. Nobody would miss me.

That is the saddest loneliest feeling. That and genuinely feeling you would be better off dying.