Day 75

What a surprise another rubbish day.

Long boring tiring. Text first thing to say he's trying to organise someone to collect the death machine. Motor bike! In other words he's not coming round to sort the garage like he said he would. How predictable. I didn't get upset. It didn't really impact my day like a usual early morning message would. Progress?

I have felt a little irritable and on edge all day and I think it's because tomorrow is his birthday. It is so unnatural for me not to tell him Happy Birthday. There's no card or present from the dogs. Something I would always do. I have decided not to acknowledge it's his birthday and I'm not going to send a message. But it's hard. I feel guilty. What is wrong with me!?

I have to get up at 5.30 in the morning to go and do the horses. The weather is awful so I left them in for the night. I'm back to not sleeping much so will be exhausted tomorrow.

No doubt there will be tears.

Of course I didn't get a response to my email or proposals about the house sale. I'll give him his birthday then I'll have to hassle him.

I really hope he feels a fraction of how I felt on my birthday. Unless grab a granny is in the picture he won't even get a card. If she is, well I guess I don't care what he'll be getting. An STD hopefully.