Day 129

The twins turn 17 today. Two of my dogs that is. I wondered whether I should let their former dad know, remind him. Make him feel bad, miss them.

I didn't bother. It's his loss. They enriched his life more than he did theirs.

So as a birthday treat the old codger had his maiden voyage in the rucksack, aka doggie trolley. It was daylight so it was less conspicuous to have a dog on my back than in a trolley...luckily we didn't see anyone. It wasnt a huge success as his more able bodied brother was jumping up trying to get to his brother and tripping me in the process, and the giant beast was practically pulling me over. But we survived and all enjoyed themselves.

I keep remembering that I ought to be packing or clearing things out. I've gotten a little too comfortable here alone, doing my own thing. Reality is going to hit as soon as the house goes on the market in January, and that's not very far away. 

I just want it all to be over with so I can try and stop dwelling on all the negatives and try to look forwards. It's hard as I don't know where I'm going to end up. I like to be organised, have a plan, be in control. I've not been any of those things since Day 1 and I won't be until I have moved house and can delete his number.

I still can't believe that I've found myself in this situation. In an ordinary long term relationship. Going day to day in the normal routine. Then out of the blue my most trusted partner puts a knife in my heart and disappears off the face of the earth and I just don't see him again. How has this happened? Why? These are the things I want to stop dwelling on as now I have made myself cry.