Day 124

I'm back to optimistic me today.

The meltdown/blip is behind me and I have learnt a lesson. Do not answer the phone if he rings!

There were weeks and weeks where I would have given up one of my vital organs just to hear from him but those days are long past. I cannot identify with the poor creature that started this diary 124 days ago. I feel ashamed that it was me, that I stooped so low to have these desperate feelings for someone who had already proven himself not to be worthy of my time let alone anything else.

But I guess I'm not the first person to act that way, there must be people all over the world having similar feelings as I did that first month. I feel terrible for them. I wish they could read this and realise it does get better. All the "time heals" comments that seem so completely ridiculous are actually true.

I have a way to go but for the rest of today at least I will continue to wear my positive persons hat.