Day 125

Today my doggie trolley arrived. Yes....a doggie trolley.

One third of the 3 headed monster is finding it hard to walk nowadays.. He turns 17 in a few days and while his twin is physically fit but losing his hearing and marbles, he is suffering physically but eyes and ears seem ok.

It makes walkies very stressful!

So in an effort to help him I have bought him a little trolley that doubles as a rucksack so if he gets tired I can carry or pull him rather than have to cut short our walks. Oh the shame of it... I have for many years laughed at people with dogs in pushchairs. I am only planning to use it after dark as I don't want someone to take a picture of me secretly and come across it on Facebook...the fat childless tramp looking woman with a dog in a carry on suitcase! I myself have taken discrete pictures of a lady with a dog in a pram on the bus, bold as brass.

I am looking forwards to testing it out tonight.

This is what I am focusing on today. Not the draft document I received from my solicitor this morning. The document that makes legal our agreement about my home and distribution of money from the sale. It was inevitable, I've been waiting for it. Chasing it up as solicitors like to work at their own pace. But it was still a little shock to receive it. I don't feel sad as such. More...disappointed.

I bet if I went back to the start, Day 21, and read all the way through, I must sound like I have a personality disorder. Up/Down. Strong/Weak. Happy/Angry. That is how I have felt. I'm really trying to stay positive daily but have had a major blip this week. I have less sleep, eat less, stopped drinking coffee. I really stress less about things like getting home for the dogs or horses. It used to be a major cause of stress, for both of us. I'd do my 20 mile drive home from work not knowing if he was home or not as he wasn't answering his phone (too busy with shag a granny I now know). The dogs would be barking like nutters. Then I'd have to wait for him to get home before going for the horses so we'd be home really late and I'd have to cook dinner at 9.30pm.

Now its only me that's responsible. I don't stress as much. The dogs will be barking whether it takes me 45 minutes to get home or an hour. The horses are safe. I can take my time, I don't have to rush home to cook for anyone. Its up to me if I just have a packet of biscuits for my dinner or have a late night because I want to cook.

I am doing it all by myself. It is hard but honestly, it is better. At the moment. Tomorrow I may change my tune.