Day 182

Moments after posting yesterday's diary entry he text me.

"I'm sorry for what I have done, if I could turn back time I would but I cant"

I decided to reply saying that it was 6 months that day since he told me he'd been having an affair. I wanted to rub it in, make him feel bad.

He text me back "I'm sorry, it is the worst thing I could of done with us".  Then another "I'm sorry".

I did shed a few tears but didn't reply again. I don't know what he wants from me, what I'm supposed to say. He told me he never wanted to see me again, that he didn't love me. Am I meant to just forget that...oh never mind silly, just come home.

I don't know if I should take this opportunity to get the answers that I wanted while he's feeling talkative. Or if continuing communication is just a mistake.

As I went to bed stressed and confused another message arrived. "I miss you".  Its so unfair, it's taken me six months to not need to hear that from him. I don't know what to do.

I woke this morning with a Migraine. I went to do the horses hoping the fresh air would help but got home at 6.50am in no better state. So I had to call in sick at work and spend half the day in bed.

And another text arrived this afternoon. He "misses the dogs and horses".

This is the most I've heard from him the whole time. I don't want it. I'm preparing to put the house on the market, start afresh, is he psychic or what?

Maybe I should send him some links to my diary, see if he thinks then that it's appropriate to be messaging me.