I dont know how you can do this to me. Today is my birthday. I woke up alone, had breakfast alone. I am alone. I am by myself. It is my birthday and I am by myself.
You did text me..for what its worth happy birthday. Its worth nothing. There is no happiness. I am by myself. Crying. On my birthday.
Of course theres no card from the animals this year. No balloon from you. No one to make me feel like this day is any different to the rest. People are posting on Facebook's wishing me happy birthday. They dont know that I wish I was dead. If I didnt have the dogs or the horses I think I would kill myself. But I cant do that to them. What if theyre alone for days with no food or water. I just couldnt do that. It is my birthday and I am by myself. Crying. You did this to me. And you cant even answer my messages.
Part 2
It is nearly over. I survived. I spent most of the morning crying but ok for the rest of the day. Ive not spoken to a single person. I've been totally by myself all day.
His sister messaged me to say happy birthday and sorry to hear the news, so that was something. I told my poor mum I didnt want to see her so she left a card and present in the doorstep for me. That's very sad. For both of us. Reading back my words from this morning I really need to get a grip. Its not doing me any good. If he doesnt want me to message him again then I won't. I cant convince him he's made a mistake, he needs to figure that vout hinself, and its only frustrating me more when he doesnt reply.
I survived the day..onto the next.
And I washed the t-shirt and threw away the milk.
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