Thursday, 2 November 2017

Day 474

9pm and I've come up to bed in tears just to get away from the dog.

I've had enough, I can't cope. I have no life  and I don't know what to do.

I can't go anywhere, not even upstairs to the loo never mind actually out. I can't get off the sofa to adjust the angle of the TV as that means he's up off the sofa too and I have to pick him up and put him back. But I must sit too. The crying is driving me insane. Tonight he pee'd all over my new floor. I can't go to my works or stables Christmas do. Fuck knows about Christmas day as I cannot take him to my mums and I can't leave him at home. My only option....stay home alone and pretend its not Christmas?

I was worried I was moving to a rough area but its me that's the asbo neighbour. I'm shouting and swearing all the time.

It's too much. I didn't think about the lifespan when I went to get a puppy.  I didn't know it would be nearly 20 years.

If I make the decision now it will be selfish and it would haunt me.  But my quality of life is zero. Shite. I'm a prisoner in my own piss and shit stinking home. I can't even get a good night's sleep. The 4.30am barking was brought forwards to 12.30 last night.

I love him but I hate him. It's very hard and very sad, for both of us.

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