Day 436

It's one of those times when I wish I'd never started something.

The carpet in my living room was manky. My neighbour lent me a carpet washer but in my frustration in not getting the stupid thing to work I decided to get it ripped out and cheap laminate floor laid instead. I hate laminate flooring. I had a cheap quote of £100 to lay it so off I went to B&Q to pick the floor that would cost me around £200. I left with an order of solid oak flooring costing more like £600. Still a bargain but way more than I wanted to spend considering I could've just asked the neighbour how to use her vacuum and replaced the shampoo for £5.

Fitting day arrives, but the flooring fitter doesn't. I heaved all the furniture out of the living room into the kitchen and sat there for 4 hours until he arrived. Only to be told I had been sold underlay but in fact needed glue. Off I went back to B&Q...the fucking glue is £42!

He worked for a few hours and left me with half a floor and a bad back after I spent all day sitting on a hard dining chair in the kitchen watching Netflix on an IPad with a low battery. Dinner consisted of cold leftover pasta from the fridge as no chance I can use the oven. I could only just reach a fork from the drawer.

I ended up going to bed around 9pm.

Today he was due back at 9.30 -10. He arrived at 10.45. I had of course had a major panic that he'd decided not to come back and had left me with half a floor. But he arrived and off I went to B&Q again. More sodding glue and another pack of oak boards. This is really getting quite expensive now and I'm not feeling the love for my new floor. If it's not a bargain I dont like it.

So here I am. Back at the kitchen table with a numb bum. Claustrophobic with all the boxes and things from the living room. Hungry.

I need to go out and put air in my new cars tyres. One of them is vey flat and knowing my luck punctured. I've had the car since Thursday evening but not driven it yet as the steering wheel was gross. I've disinfected it and scrubbed with bicarbonate. I think I've actually taken the outer layer of the steering wheel off. So I need to buy a cover for it. But I'm trapped in the house. More specifically the kitchen. The dogs are farting and snoring. It is unpleasant.

Back to work tomorrow. I don't feel like I made the most of my week off. Although I have decorated the bathroom, bought a car and had a spontaneous oak floor put down. It's been expensive. Anyone would think I have money. I do not.

It's Gavin's birthday this week. I can't help but wonder what he'll be doing. It's so strange that someone is so much a part of your life and then overnight....they're not.  A little like somebody dying I guess. Except with the added feeling of total and utter betrayal and worthlessness thrown in for good measure.

He would like my house. He would have been happy here. He would have liked the sociable neighbours, the view, the dog walks on the door step. Well tough luck fucker. Hope you're miserable under whichever rock you've found to live under.

Hours later and I'm still sitting here. My arse needs to have this chair surgically removed. My back is killing. The sawing and banging noises have subsided so I'm hoping he's nearly finished. Too late for me to get to the shop to buy a steering wheel cover though so I'm sticking to the courtesy car for as long as possible.

The last couple of hours have seen me involve myself in a "discussion" on Twitter. A woman, not as young as I assumed she was, had commented on a dinner date with a married colleague she was in love with. She was wishing he'd leave his wife, they had chemistry, they were just friends. All that crap. Thankfully I missed the original conversation as the aftermath was ridiculous enough. I cannot understand why anybody would risk another persons life just to lust after somebody that isn't available to be lusted after. This sounds very dramatic but I cannot honestly say that I wouldn't have attempted suicide last year if I hadn't had the responsibility of my animals to keep me grounded. The fucking old grab a granny trout having sex with my fiancé could have ended my life. And I've had sex with him more than enough to know that it is definitely not worth a human life. Any life.  Nobody knows the consequences of these actions. I doubt Gavin or the slapper wondered if I'd kill myself if I found out. I doubt they considered me at all. Because they're selfish. People who cheat are selfish. As far as I am concerned there is not one single thing that can justify it. Bad relationship? Leave? Unhappy? Leave. It's all about choices and whether a person has a moral compass. Unfortunately in my case he didn't. He obviously wasn't happy and instead of removing himself from the situation he decided to temporarily gratify himself with some married grandmother...hardly a catch. Either of them.

Anyhow..my flooring is down and it does look really good. I can't move any furniture in yet, thanks to the ridiculously expensive glue, so I'm looking at another uncomfortable evening in the kitchen. The extra wood I bought this morning wasn't needed after all so it's actually ended up costing me less than originally planned for. I was going to give the guy extra money as £100 is so cheap, but after he was late again this morning I thought fuck it.

So with my spare cash I'm going to order my 3rd takeaway this week. Well...I don't have a cooker!