Day 426

It's not been a great couple of days. Last night while en route to the stables, I had a car accident. The car in front of me stopped in the middle of the road, sat there for a few moments that wacked it into reverse and smashed into me. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.

The guy was apologetic, I held it together. Even after looking at the front of the car and seeing the crumpled bonnet, smashed grill and cracked radiator. Even after I heard all the hissing and saw all the fluid pouring out from under the engine and running down the road. He went off to see his friend who he'd been talking  to out the window when he'd stopped in the middle of the road. I was left abandoned, dogs in car, stranded. Thankfully I had an insurance number to call and they arranged for someone to come out and collect the car. 4 people came out to see me, one brought me a milky cup of tea and a biscuit ( I felt so awkward and guilty as I don't drink milk). The kindness was too much and I cried. Oh the shame. I felt totally helpless, the same pathetic loaner that kept having a broken down car last year after I became single. It is such a horrible feeling. Nobody to call to pick me up or help me get the dogs home. Nobody at home to tell me it will be ok. Nobody to offload on. Thank goodness for the wonderful friends I have made online thanks to this diary. They..you...have helped me so much and you're always there for me.

As it happens the recovery truck driver gave me a lift home and although the dogs weren't allowed in the van they enjoyed the ride on the back of the truck.

I barely slept last night stressing out about it all. This morning I felt ill which I knew was a disaster waiting to happen seeing as a work colle ague was going 15 miles out of his way to pick me up. I suffer with car sickness. True to form I felt rough as fuck. I was sweating and he had to pull over for me to throw up. After lots of heaving and pacing at the side of the road I managed to keep it down and off we went to work. I dreaded the journey home the whole day. Of course exactly  the same thing happened and I had to get out of the car again. But I made it home and managed not to throw up until I got to my kitchen sink. Great!

Tomorrow I have a hire car being delivered some time in the morning so I have to stay home until it arrives. My poor little car which I've only had since June is probably going to be a write off and I'll only get a few hundred pounds, not enough to buy a decent replacement. It was only ever meant to be a temporary car after my last one blew up but certainly longer than 3 months. I'd grown to quite like it. Now I'm going to have to buy a real banger that will not last long at all. I haven't paid any bills for the new house yet, the mortgage payment doesn't go out until tomorrow so I don't even know if I have any money at the end of the month to put towards a car. It's really terrible timing and I'm hugely pissed off.

Of course it's all Gavin's fault, the stupid fat wanker. I'm going to get the train to Somerset and key his fucking Jaguar.