Day 353

I feel a bit rubbish today. I've got the Friday feeling - dread of spending the weekend alone. Nobody to talk to. Loads to do, all by myself.

I haven't been to see my horses since yesterday morning. I feel bad. I feel lazy.

Gavin hasn't sent me half the money for the skip like he said he would. Perhaps he's too poor after buying his ridiculous car. Today more post arrived for him.  Fuck it I opened it, he should change the address if it's confidential. It was a statement from Currys for the £3000 worth of electrical goods he's been buying from them on credit the past few months. What a loser.

He's supposedly coming on Sunday to clear out his stuff. I've text to ask him what time and guess what...no reply. Nearly a year later and nothing's changed. I was worried I would be sad on Sunday as it will be the last time I will ever see him. But actually bring it on. Enoughs enough.

My boss emailed me today to offer his services as a removal man. His son offered. My work husband offered. It's nice to know that there are kind genuine men still. It's just shit that I've never been in a relationship with one. Or maybe they were but I turned them rotten? I think it's just down to poor choices on my part. Story of my life.

This evening I emptied a kitchen cupboard of cups and mugs. Why do I have so many? I have my favourites which are the only ones I use. I have no friends therefore no visitors. Yet I wrapped them all in newspaper and put in a box to be transported to my next kitchen. I'm going to leave out one cup, one glass, one plate etc. Wow that might be the saddest thing ever.