Day 492

I've been absent for a few days. 5 to be precise.

I've been suffering from a horrible cold so took the opportunity to ween myself off from my daily diary and it was ok. Mostly thanks to the distracting snot, sinus pain, ear and tooth ache but abstinence is abstinence!

Having a cold is so depressing. It's so minor...just a cold. I almost feel embarrassed to be knocked for six by one. I had to stay home from work on Friday it was so bad.  The inability to breathe or sleep does not make getting up at 4.30 in the morning and heading out in the cold to the stables that easy to manage. And of course there's nobody at home now that I can rely on to help me if I'm not feeling well. Not that the help I had before was worth much..but it was more than I've got now. 

So on Friday I stayed off work but still had to get to the horses. I set off around 7.30 having had barely any sleep and feeling really rough. It was not the morning to tolerate men in vans beeping their horn at me for no reason. So I lost it. Whilst in a jam on an almost single track lane, with said van almost beside me, I opened my window and let rip. I can't recall the exact sequence of events but I do know there was plenty of fucks, some twats, almost certainly some dickheads, a moron or two. Not sure about the C word but I use it like I do oxygen so it's probable. I recall I ended my rant with a fucking knob face to which the van full of 3 men broke into hysterics. At this point I closed my window and proceeded to mutter to myself with a lot of head shaking. 

Not my proudest moment and I'm very lucky that I didn't get thumped...or worse. Mind you so are they! 

So the weekend was spent freezing out with the horses then resting up at home and feeling sorry for myself. Not all that different to a normal weekend. Except with added snot. Today I was back at work and feeling much better although it's still lingering a bit. 

It's Alfie dogs 17th birthday today and I'm quite proud that I've cared for him so long although at this precise moment he is whining and driving me mad !!

Thoughts of Christmas Day are creeping in. Last year Gavin phoned me in tears me close to midnight and I was really pissed off. This year I know I will be pissed off when he doesn't phone me. Even though I don't want him to. Life is confusing.