Day 453

I'm so upset with myself. With the world. With my life.

I'm utterly useless and my own worst enemy. Like an adult I put oil in my car at the weekend. Like a pea brained air head fucking idiot I didn't put the engine cap back on. Now under the bonnet of my car I have a river of oil following an explosion from the nice full oil tank and I made it home from work crapping my pants because I had smoke coming out from under the bonnet.

Seriously what kind of fuck wit forgets to put the cap back on.

So now I'm stranded at home. Alone. Friendless. Husbandless. Brainless! No bloody car, work miles away, horses abandoned.

I have to wait until the morning to ring around and try and find somewhere I can get one from. I've had to text my boss to explain and ask him not to sack me. He must be as sick of the Sarah Show as I am.

I'm fed up and upset. I don't even know why I bother to get up in the morning. To pay for a house that I don't get to share with anyone. To pay for horses I don't even ride. To pay for a car with smoke pouring out of it.

I feel a complete failure and I fucking hate Gavin.