This day last year we went to a local horse show. Took the dogs, watched some classes, knew some people. I expect the whole time I was thinking it was enjoyable he was wishing he was with grab a granny. I dont really feel anything about it now other than irritation.
I was going to go solo today..well with my trusty hounds, but the weather has been appalling.
I've spent the day on the sofa, eating.
Just a normal weekend!
My viewings seemed to go well, I'm really hoping I get an offer next week.
Now that the house is clean and tidy and I've rearranged the furniture it looks really good. It makes me sad to think about leaving, I feel safe here. Even if I received the worst news of my life so far while I was here. I'm sure I'll eventually love wherever I end up..it's just scary. I don't really like change. I like continuity, security.
But needs must. Fingers crossed I get an offer.
If feel better today after last nights self pity session. I slept like the dead so that helped.
Tomorrow I have two viewings at the house and a new estate agent coming to take photos. Tonight my neighbour has parked his lime green transit van outside my house and no doubt gone out on the piss and unlikely to be up to move it in time. Great.
But not all is bad. I've had leftover pizza and 2 Cadburys Creme Eggs for dinner.
The exhaustion continues today. I slept badly last night so when my alarm went off at 4.30 this morning I felt like I'd been up all night.
Things didn't improve when I managed to snap the wire in my bra and it was on the verge of slicing me open. I spent the day with a load of toilet roll shoved in my bra to protect my skin which was less than ideal.
I'm back to feeling lonely again. Maybe I should go back over my past entries to see if there's a pattern to the lonely feelings coming on. I know it's mostly down to being so tired, but I cried on my drive home from work tonight. I don't get any phone calls, the only texts I get are from Dominos. I miss having someone to call in my lunch break. Rain or shine I would go out to ring him at lunchtime just for a chat to see how he was and where he was working. All those times he didn't answer and I now know what he was doing. Horrible bastard.
It's bank holiday weekend again and I've tagged an extra days holiday onto the end of it. Because I'm so tired. 4 days of solitude are not going to help my state of mind though.
I feel such a total loser. My life is pretty much over. This is it. It would be years before I would consider dating again and that would put me firmly on my way to 50. I'm in a mess emotionally and financially and it won't ever get any better, financially wise anyway. How did this happen to me?
And seeing as they text me I've obliged and ordered a massive Dominos takeaway that I can't afford.
I'm absolutely knackered today. I've done two trips to the horses, before and after work, and I think I've got a speeding ticket.
Too tired to think. Quick dinner and bed.
I have a second viewing! Hurray. A first time buyer that viewed at the weekend wants to come back again on Saturday. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. Especially as I looked online to check properties in my price range and there is nothing suitable. This could be a disaster! But one step at a time.
More post arrived for him. I'm so sick of it. I've just been putting it in the bin but today I put a load back in the post box with "not this address" scrawled across them. Hopefully some of it was important and he'll get in the shit.
I can't believe it's been almost 10 months. What a motherfucker. I hope he's miserable.
I woke up this morning with a bruise on my hand and a scratch on my face. I was obviously fighting someone in my sleep. I hope I kicked the crap out of them and not just myself!
I've sacked my estate agent today. Well, given my 2 weeks notice anyway. True to form I received no reply although it could be down to the sarcastic request that they remove the sale board "as swiftly as it was installed". The bloody thing went up within 2 days of me saying I didn't want one so it better be gone by the weekend. Mainly as I have my new agents coming to take photos. If it's still here I'll take it down myself...might put it in the middle of the high street so they get told off and are inconvenienced! Or more likely I'll just put in my garage...all talk as usual.
