This week I spent the last of my "savings" on more repairs to my car. It was £250 and I was very upset to part with it and in two minds whether to have the repairs done or not.
This morning on my drive to work the things I had repaired broke again. I am so upset and fed up. I have literallly no money left to pay for anything else. Not even enough to cover petrol to the end of the month. I know the garage will tell me that the fault is now with the electrics or some other expensive problem. I am gutted.
On top of that my colleague has had 3 people make offers on his house which went for sale 3 days ago.
It was too much. The day my internet and phone gets cut off, my car fucks up and my friend sells his house. It was all too much for my shattered nerves and I broke down at work and spent 15 minute in the toilet crying.
I am suffering from severe self pity. I am a good person. I don't deserve any of this. It's just so cruel that nothing will go my way.
I feel ashamed that I am still in this position so many months later. I want to be rid of him, delete him forever and start my new life. I just need a little bit of luck. Or quite a lot of money. Either will do.
On a positive note I couldn't face taking pissy pants to bed with me after waiting all night for my clean sheets to dry. So I didn't. I locked him in his bed downstairs and shut the door on him. I felt very guilty but slept right through until my 5am alarm. If he cried I didn't hear him. Result
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