Tears driving to work and walking from the car park. I barely breathed the whole hours drive but I made it. I had everything crossed that the garage could fit me in today but no, not til tomorrow.
But I made it home safely and somebody did the horses for me so I didn't have the extra journey. No avoiding it tomorrow though, my alarm is set for 5am.
So early night for me. Not even 9.30 and I'm in bed with my electric blanket. Heaven!
I rang a load of garages this morning trying to find one that had a spare courtesy car but there were none. How bloody inconvenient.
I had to phone my boss and rant down the phone at him about how badly damaged my car engine is, that Google says its the crankshaft and pistons and something called blow by, all terminal issues that meant I couldn't go to work.
When the breakdown man turned up to tow me to my chosen courtesy car free garage he had a look under the bonnet, found the oil cap that had blown off and proceeded to inform me that the problem with my car was that it has no oil in it because the oil cap I was sold recently was the wrong one and didn't fit, hence it came off and all the oil came out. How much of a moron did I feel? I was so embarrassed, especially as I'd also ranted at him when he'd arrived about crankshaft and pressure blowing the cap off.
But he was understanding and extraordinarily kind as he said he would go to the scrap yard between jobs and find me the correct part. And he did. He came back this afternoon and refused to take any money. Sadly I took the car out round the block and although it's definitely better it's still not right. Normal service resumes tomorrow so I'll just have to keep everything crossed.
I was absolutely dreading driving my car today but I had to at least try to get to the stables. I left the dogs at home as I fully anticipated breaking down and having my car towed to a closed garage. So much so that I left the house with a note already written to put through the garage letterbox with the key in an envelope.
Thankfully I made it there and back safely although I think the car is now fucked.
So I'm in the same position again. Carless, feeling helpless. But mostly feeling pissed off.
I had such a good sleep last night after getting up early all week.
I spent a lovely morning with the horses and went back again this afternoon via a nice walk with the dogs. On my way back, thankfully nearly home, my car decided to take poorly and we limped home the last mile. I can't believe my bad luck. Tomorrow I have to go back to the stables to let the horses out and I'm dreading driving. I think that I will break down again. It's never ending.
Tonight I've been bored out of my mind so I've switched on the old lady electric blanket and gone to bed before 10pm. I'm living the dream.
This morning I got up at 4.30. It was the easiest morning I've had all week despite being the earliest . I did go to bed extra early last night but its now 9.30 at night and I'm only just feeling a bit tired.
I expect it will catch up with me tomorrow.
This evening with Alfie has been better. He's been less frantic and I've been less tired so that's a relief.
I bought an electric blanket today. I am ashamed. Also disappointed that it's not so cold tonight so I haven't used it. It's a single one for one side of my bed. Shows how optimistic I am....not!
9pm and I've come up to bed in tears just to get away from the dog.
I've had enough, I can't cope. I have no life and I don't know what to do.
I can't go anywhere, not even upstairs to the loo never mind actually out. I can't get off the sofa to adjust the angle of the TV as that means he's up off the sofa too and I have to pick him up and put him back. But I must sit too. The crying is driving me insane. Tonight he pee'd all over my new floor. I can't go to my works or stables Christmas do. Fuck knows about Christmas day as I cannot take him to my mums and I can't leave him at home. My only option....stay home alone and pretend its not Christmas?
I was worried I was moving to a rough area but its me that's the asbo neighbour. I'm shouting and swearing all the time.
It's too much. I didn't think about the lifespan when I went to get a puppy. I didn't know it would be nearly 20 years.
If I make the decision now it will be selfish and it would haunt me. But my quality of life is zero. Shite. I'm a prisoner in my own piss and shit stinking home. I can't even get a good night's sleep. The 4.30am barking was brought forwards to 12.30 last night.
I love him but I hate him. It's very hard and very sad, for both of us.
Another early 5am start today. I was almost getting dressed at 3.50am as I came downstairs to let the barking dog out and hadn't changed the clock on the microwave.
Thankfully I realised and went back to bed for an hour.
So this morning I mucked out 2 horses, walked the dogs, fed them, mopped the kitchen floor, drove 44 miles, went to Tesco for a few things, took my car to the garage and left it there so they could put 2 new tyres on it then headed into work after stopping at the sorting office to collect the post and finally arrived at my desk at about 8.45am.
On paper I am fucking amazing!
Had lovely cuddles with a Beagle puppy this afternoon which made the day much better.
Tonight I'm knackered. Tomorrow I have 3 horses to do before work but no trip to the garage or Tesco so am aiming for 5am start again.
Off to bed I go.
