Long boring day at work.
Not very eventful this evening. Filled a box, chucked some rubbish, put the brown wheelie bin out for the last time.
I watched Game of Thrones. I've never missed an episode. Gavin and I watched every one together. Well fuck him. I still watch it wvem if I have no-one to talk to about it except the dogs. Tonight's episode was brilliant. I hope he missed it. Tosser.
Waking up alone on your birthday isn't really that attractive a proposition. But I felt ok. I had 2 whole cards to open and a small gift from a colleague.
I went for a nice walk with the dogs after seeing my horses then rushed home to tackle the shed. It was awful. Its quite big, a summer house really. Greenery had grown through the roof were Mr Lazy did a poor job fixing it and it was like a spider infested jungle inside. I'm terrified of spiders. But I did it! I emptied it all, cut all the greenery and bagged up loads of scary rubbish. I'm really proud of myself as I really am terrified of spiders. The neighbours for sure heard me squealing fuck a few times.
This afternoon I went to meet my parents for lunch via the rubbish dump and a drop off of blankets and dog beds to the local animal rescue centre. I was so productive, all before 2pm.
Lunch was nice. I felt a little embarassed that they likely felt sorry for me but that soon left as the food arrived. I spent the rest of the day at home watching films. I did have a brief moment of sadness that Gavin didn't contact me to say Happy Birthday but then I remembered he's a tosser and I don't want to hear from him. Ever.
No unwanted texts today.
No birthday cards arrived in the post for tomorrow.
Putting on a front to my parents; not bothered about my birthday, I've got packing to do anyway. The truth is I'm embarassed and ashamed that they are coming to take me to lunch tomorrow and they probably feel sorry for me. If they weren't, I'd be totally alone all day. Awful flashbacks to last years birthday!
2 birthdays running I've been single. I wonder if Gavin will give me a second thought. Bastard. And now I'm crying.
Another stressful upsetting day. People are so fucking mean.
I asked the estate agents to contact the lady I'm buying the house from to ask if I could pop round to measure the garden to organise fencing to make it dog proof. I didn't have to go on the house or disturb your, simply measure how much wood I need. The hag said no.
I don't know what's wrong with people. Why wouldn't you let somebody do that? On moving day if she's not ready to leave by the time I take possession of the keys she'll be forcuvle removed and I'll ave a big Fucking smile on my face while I do it. Bitch.
In other news, Gavin text me this morning. I accidentally dialled his number while deleting it the other day. I thought I'd got away with it as it was only a split second.
Loneliness has snuck back in.
I want to be excited about moving house, planning where furniture will go or what paint I'll pick, but current mood is that I don't give a fuck. What's the point in getting excited, I'll be on my own and nobody will ever see it anyway.
There have been tears.
And stress. Over logistics of choosing, buying and fitting fencing for the new house so that the garden will be safe for the dogs. I don't have enough time to do it all. I swore excessively at my mum on the phone. I'm embarassed by my behaviour. I was a petulant child. I've had to send her an apology.
And I couldn't help myself. I looked online and Gavin has put his private number plate on his ridiculous new car now. What a prick.
When I opened the email from my solicitor this morning I was expecting something along the lines of "ta dah....you've exchanged contracts".
I wasnt expecting to be told there was a problem with one of the forms and that it was vital Gavin and I both sign a new version. My heart sank. I was at work and it took all my will power not to lose it while sitting at my desk. I couldn't believe that this close to being rid of him that I was going to have to message him and go through the pain of getting him to sign and post things again. I sent a begging email back to my solicitor pointing out the HUGE problem that this causes and off I went to a meeting. The last thing I needed.
Then the solicitor calls to let me know "by the way your buyers buyer doesn't have a deposit so you're not going to get one". Seriously? Nobody thought to mention this earlier? Obviously I said that if I'm not getting a deposit then no way am I putting one down so this was likely to cause problems with my purchase. I was so upset and stressed out. Yet again I was getting a big fuck you from the universe.
Then work was just shit. Another meeting, a stupid online seminar and the whole time I was screaming inside. Out of the nlue I get a phone call to say contracts exchanged you're moving on 15th August! I didn't ask about deposits or forms, I don't care how they did it.
So it's done. I finally have a date.
How do feel? Not sure. Relieved, but not excited. Crap day at work and stupid solicitors spoilt that for me.
But I did delete his work number and email addresses from my phone this evening.
More frustration with solicitors and house buying/selling. I'm nearly there. Have now got 50% to agree to a date, just need the other half to agree and we'll be on for 15 August.
It's only 2 weeks away and I'm a world away from being ready, packing wise. Mentally, not sure if I'm ready or just impatient with the delays. Either way, it's happening. Soon.
As soon as I get confirmation that sale contracts have exchanged then I will delete one of his phone numbers and all messages from it. His works mobile probably. His personal phone and whatsapp messages will be deleted on moving day. Probably that night when I'm in my new home, alone and probably scared. It sill be almost ritualistic but I can't wait to get it over with.
But before that I have to pack.
I'll just watch one more episode.
